The Oscarzzzzzz

Get it!?! I added "z's" instead of an "s" cause it's like trying to tell you that the show was boring and I made me sleepy, like when I had a cartoon bubble filled with zzzzzzzzzzz's above my head! It's funny! Just like The OsBores! I could have went with Osbores, so you're welcome!! meh.

I just wanted to voice my extreme happiness that Marion Cotillard won the Best Actress award for her AMAZING portrayal of Edith (in French pronounced strangely Eeedit) Piaf. Even though we here at SisterCritics are tough on the films we see, I'm all for giving credit where it's due, and she deserved that award plus all of Angelina Joile's roles in the future.

Also I wanted to voice my disappointment in seeing American troops showboated in a live feed to announce the anti-war nominated documentaries. Did anyone else feel slimy after that? Heck, even the winners of the award gave the stinkeye to the "fierce" soldier (don't ask don't tell) who announced them. Pro-war or Anti-war, supporting the troops is wholly American and a given, so the haughty Hollywood norm of polite applause was disgusting and disappointing.

As for the low viewership, perhaps that could be fixed by simply NOT showing us hours of clips of old Oscar footage. It only makes us pine for the days Jimmy Stewart and John Wayne were genuinely touched to get an award and the women dressed to impress, not to make the Blackwell list. I'm adamant that younger audiences SHOULD see every old movie possible, but here's a hint Gil Cates - Miley Cyrus alone does not the 13-18 demographic make.

Finally, enough of John Stewart hosting the awards. He's boring, he makes faces instead of jokes, and used to host Short Attention Span Theater on Comedy Central back in the day (reason enough). Ryan Seacrest would do a more sufficient job of keeping the show going. Did anyone see the Indie Spirit Awards? Rainn Wilson killed on that mock Oscars show, why not get him? I'd even prefer Ellen again before having to endure John Stewart's Wii playing filler again.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for the Oscars telecast having watched it every year I can remember. This year Shawna and I even had a party and made up little snacks like "Humble Apple Pie" for Atonement, Milkshakes for There Will Be Blood, and Burgers for the hamburger phone in Juno (a stretch but we needed sustenance). So as long as Hollywood is ready to pat itself on the back, I'll do my due diligence to to show up on my couch with snax and sweatpants dreaming of the day I can be there thanking my parents for not putting me in a mental institution for wanting to be in this crazy industry.

Rambo

Rambo stars two of my favorite leads - Muscles and Bullets. The death count is somewhere around 236 kills for the short one hour 33 minutes. That's somewhere around 3 deaths per minute - Muscles and Bullets were probably very underpaid for the amount of work produced.

Some people are whinning that there's no story in this Rambo - WHAT? Did no one see the AFRICAN QUEEN? In homage fashion, Rambo, like Humphrey Bogart, is a loner who scoffs at the religious blonde missionary, but is convinced to take her and her crew downriver on his rickety boat. In true Bogart fashion, Rambo isn't about to let the woman down and saves her butt at every given moment even with the other Aryan skinny missionary men give him the stink eye. Rambo doesn't take threats well, but still manages to save the world and probably stop a war (like the vigilante Hepburn and Bogart) and save all their hinders in the end. So, erm, last I checked, helping blonde missionaries and killing bad guys was PLENTY of story, thankyouverymuch.

Ramafrican Queen aside, there's a great deal of rambling "Nothing changes" speeches, exploding heads, I'm guessing mosquitos, and rain. So something for the whole family pretty much. Kudos to Stallone who showed the real horrors of Burma. I seriously don't do well in those humid climates and I'm guessing, language aside, there's not much I have in common with the Burmese people other than that wicker rattan papasan chair I bought at Pier One. So in order to show my solidarity with stopping genicide in Burma, I boycot anything Burma and will only go visit if Stallone promises to carry me piggyback the whole time. Fair?

Obviously, not for kids or anyone who barfs at the sight of blood and people's throats being ripped out - BY RAMBO HAND! Do see it if you want to feel superior to a third world country and can enjoy a great, and simple, 80's style action flick.

Cloverfield

So I've been anxiously awaiting the release of this movie forever. And when I say forever I mean, since I heard about it, which seems like forever ago. One of the few highlights/perks about living in LA has got to be the Mann's Chinese Theater. Not only did we get to see a sold out show with hundreds of other die hards, but there were celebs in attendance! Edgar Wright (director of SHAUN OF THE DEAD), Eli Roth (director of CABIN FEVER) and Diablo Cody (Writer of JUNO) were seen hanging out and saving seats. Also, just two rows behind us - that guy who played Tom Jeter from STUDIO 60! So beat that crappy AMC somewhere in the middle of Illinois! Ahem, but the real stars of the night were sitting in the seats next and behind us - the Bad Robot crew themselves! Shawna and I were invited by my friend (also the Associate Producer - ooh la la!) to join a bunch of them to see the film together. So what was already panning out to be the best evening ever was enhanced by our geek estrogen in love with all of these guys. I can't tell you the little hints and secrets here and there that we were privy to, but needless to say, all of these guys are cool and uber talented.

So the movie. Oh first - we got to see the STAR TREK trailer which rocked - a very origin story feeling with shots of the Enterprise at the futuristic Midas getting it's brake pads repaired. But again, I digress. The movie. Although some may get overly dizzy from motion sickness (ahem, my boyfriend), some of us were unfazed by the shaky cam and too enthralled with the death and destruction to be bothered. However, I was disturbed by one glaring problem with the film - The monster has feelings too people!

I mean, he gets shot down by a meteorite (watch for it in the end) not only onto a strange new planet, but in downtown Manhattan - of course he was scared! Are we supposed to judge his erratic behaviour as anything more than what Britney Spears gets away with on any given afternoon on the Los Angeles freeways? The monster was simply trying to get back to the apartment building of the girl of his dreams. He just got a bit lost in between all the similar looking architecture and skyscrapers! This is really a story of two men on the search for love - one man, one monster, one woman. At the end, when finally almost back to Central Park, the stupid human man gets to the girl first when we all know the monster could have easily pulled her out of the toppling building with much more efficiency and safety. And then there's the military - back off ok? I'm pretty sure you guys were just making it worse. A slew of projectile missiles went veering into the buildings no where near the GIANT monster - where did you guys learn to aim? And besides, you're just ticking him off, literally! All those little tick like monsters that fell off - they were not happy either I'm sure. So when we all sit and cheer for the demise of a poor little monster stuck in the middle of a congested city, I think we all need to stop and reanalyze our priorities.

But in all seriousness this movie is a great fun super ride that is short and sweet and full of scares! It even features great homages (intentional?) to GHOSTBUSTERS when the small group walk 30 some odd flights of stairs to reach one of their would be girlfriend's apartments. There were 22 flights to be exact in GHOSTBUSTERS, but the exhaustion was no doubt similar. The monster was destroying New York willy nilly in the same vein of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man, only lacked the grin and a sailor boy hat - actually he was pretty grumpy and accessory free.

All in all, a great Monster movie from the fleeing hoard perspective. Take a Dramamine, get some popcorn, and just sit back and enjoy the ride.

There Will Be Blood

I'm going to get a lot of heat for this review as it's not all butt kissy like all the reviews (I've not really read but inferred from) and critical praise TWBB has been getting. I liked it, but I was a bit "meh" about the whole 2 hour 38 minute affair.

Good points:

• Daniel Day Lewis's accent and intricate performance.


• That mute kid from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE gets to talk in this one - and sometimes LOUDLY!


• Capitalism is King!


• That beatnik guy from PEGGY SUE GOT MARRIED can still get work and was all thin and wirery and good.


• Daniel Day Lewis gets to kill people and be all "I'm better and smarter than you and I control who lives and who dies!"


• The guy (not Thom York)from Radiohead did the musical score.


• It's sorta like GIANT.
  

Stuff that bugged me:

• Very few, if any, memorable female characters featured at all in the film. Not that I'm a feminist, but would a Maureen O'Hara fiery red head type have KILLED anyone?
  
• Lewis' evil capitalist pig character who gives financial sermons to the uneducated masses before buying out their land juxtaposed with a minister who sermons to the uneducated masses is a MUCH more interesting way into those characters and full of conflict. However we're never given the scene where the minister shows up to preaches the dangers of the oil mine (or whatever you call it) to his flock. We're meant to believe it's a wink wink inside struggle between only these two. Where was the rest of the town? It's hard to believe a tight knit Christian community wouldn't stand together in solidarity against Lewis and his men.


• Daniel Day Lewis' character goes from 0 to 60 in terms of bi-polar behavior. One minute he's Charles Foster Kane building his empire and leaving the masses in his wake, the next a tender surrogate father who rescues his would be son from an oily geyser, only to transform again into a monster who mocks his deaf fake son. I'm all good with layered characters who aren't JUST good and JUST bad, but come on! The fine line between lunacy and lucrative was blurred and unfairly justified.


• The musical score, albeit cool and David Byrne like, at times was confused and built to a bombastic frenzy only to end with something as soft and subtle on screen as a child sleeping. The music kept bringing me to a boil and then going, "oh wait, never mind, that action scene is later, carry on."


• It was sorta like GIANT, but lacked a traditional narrative and only a handful of story lines to follow (rather than the kitchen sink approach).

Now, don't get me wrong, this is a good movie. It will wins lots of awards and continue to put Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Day Lewis to work. This movie makes up for Magnolia for me - sorry if you thought that was the end all be all, but I still can't sit through that movie for more than the beginning and the frog shower end. However, it's not without its story flaws, which, for the most part give me the notion that Anderson has no one giving him notes at the studio level. If you're going to give these writer/directors free reign, that's to be expected, but as the great T.S Elliot said, ""Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."

As the imaginary creative exec on this project, amongst the aforementioned items, I would have also suggested we see more of the outside world in the final 40 minute sequence. When the newly married deaf son comes back to Lewis and suggests he might like to start his own business. Show don't tell! I'd have given my left arm to see a shot that matched Lewis's opening scene mining solo, but now his son, digging away in Mexico. Only here we have hope that not only has the "son" learned how to run a business, he's learned how NOT to run an empire. Like father, like son, think about it won't you? In other words, Orson Wells felt it was more important to show Xanadu towering over us from a distance rather than keep us in the stately bathroom.

Go give it a whirl, if you're lucky enough to live in a town playing this rather arthouse piece. If not, Netflix it and enjoy the plethora of extras that will no doubt accompany the disc explaining the dangers of oil for money and how this was really an allegory for the greedy Bush administration. Only, wouldn't it be safer to drill in Alaska where very few people live to be bought out and killed by "the man"? No, you're right, let's continue to allow rich Saudi debutants live their debaucherous lives in the Hollywood nightclubs via our Shell Station contribution to their expense accounts. Woah, sorry for the political diatribe, back to happy fun time movie riffing to help bridge the red and blue gap back to a pretty purple.

Sweeney Todd

This film starred Johnny Depp. Nuff said.

OK OK, AND it was directed by genius extraordinaire Tim Burton.

Still need more reasons to see it? Sigh. You people are tearing me apart!!!

Sweeney Todd is not a musical, but rather, an operetta since it's more narrative and character building in it's musical numbers instead of "Go Go Go Greased Lightning". It's a dark foreboding tale of mistaken identities, unabashed revenge, and cleavage. I'm positive that were I to push my chesticles up to my neck I too could sing notes in the uppermost of range that would make Mr. Sondheim proud. Never fear, the men are squeezed down below where the costume designers had a field day with inseams and prosthetics.

Aside from bulges and lyrics, the overall look of the film is downright Burtonesque. Not since Merry Poppins has there been this much soot and dropping of "h's". It's dark and dirty look only helps highlight the disgusting secrets hiding out in the barber/pie shop. Depp and H.B. Carter are a match made in pasty heaven and their chemistry and chops help move the story at times even more than the whirlwind soundtrack. Alan Rickman is pitch perfect in his all too practiced upper class snobbery. And then there's the romance. To me, this is where the movie falls short.

I believe Burton was burdened with having to cut a great deal from the original musical and in turn lost the "so what" factor in the young lovers romance. The love songs are beautiful, but with little to no dialogue between them, we're meant to catch onto their love at first sight affair and care. (look out I'm starting to rhyme) Problem was that I didn't. Depp and H.B. Carter are far more interesting and anti-romantic and overshadow the fresh faced youngsters. By the end, I was hoping the two would die Romeo and Juliet style making for some great pies that would last at least a week.

If you were able to sit through John Travolta's obnoxious, indeterminate, and fluctuating accent in HAIRSPRAY, you should have no problem enjoying perfected British accents and a bit of fakey blood splatter. In fact, HAIRSPRAY would have been a great title for SWEENEY TODD in reference to the after effects his close trims give his customers. I'm here all week, enjoy the buffet.